Can You Read the Room?

I’m a big fan of mak­ing com­plex things very sim­ple and get­ting to the core of what matters.

One of those things – when it comes to lead­er­ship soft skills – is the abil­i­ty to read the room. To pay atten­tion to the lit­tle sig­nals that oth­ers around you put out.

When peo­ple say some­one does­n’t have a good EQ, it often means that they can’t or don’t pick up on those cues. With­out the abil­i­ty or atten­tion to read a room, you can often cre­ate ten­sion rather than a pos­i­tive interaction.

An Essen­tial Like Skill

While some peo­ple may come by this abil­i­ty nat­u­ral­ly, most of us need prac­tice to get bet­ter, and to trust our instincts through observation.

The abil­i­ty to read a room – or a per­son – is a high­ly crit­i­cal skill for effec­tive inter­ac­tions with peo­ple, and a life skill worth devel­op­ing, at a young age.

Years ago, I first met David Mar­quet, author of Turn Your Ship Around, when we sat togeth­er, at the back of a con­fer­ence room. I didn’t real­ize he was one of the main speak­ers until the next day – the best one, it turned out.

We talked about the impor­tance of teach­ing our chil­dren skills that use their instincts, and he shared this very sim­ple tech­nique: After an inter­ac­tion with oth­er peo­ple, ask them what they noticed and what they learned. I’ve found that the obser­va­tion is as impor­tant as a dis­cus­sion to artic­u­late and test it.

My kids and I still do this, today. It’s just become part of what we do when we’re out togeth­er, and I’m always fas­ci­nat­ed by their per­cep­tive respons­es. I now real­ize this exer­cise has result­ed in their abil­i­ty to read a room very well, and it serves them well.

Take a Moment

When my daugh­ter and I were recent­ly at a restau­rant, and the wait­er respond­ed harsh­ly to a request, instead of push­ing back, I chose not to react and to let the issue set­tle down to see what hap­pened next.

Inter­est­ing­ly, our expe­ri­ence dra­mat­i­cal­ly turned around when the wait­er returned. Per­haps, he real­ized he hadn’t han­dled him­self well because he was charm­ing and took excel­lent care of us – to the point where we had an amaz­ing night.

When my daugh­ter and I lat­er talked about our obser­va­tions, she said she could feel my frus­tra­tion and was sur­prised I hadn’t said any­thing. I told her that I’ve learned – from my mother’s wise advice – not to play on a low­er lev­el and to give myself and the oth­er per­son time to set­tle down and before I say some­thing I’ll regret. An imme­di­ate reac­tion would only esca­late the situation.

In a busi­ness set­ting, peo­ple are often so focused on the task at hand, they can for­get to take a breath – to get a sense of who is there, and how they can respond to what oth­ers are com­mu­ni­cat­ing. Only then can they see how they need to adapt or change direc­tion to be more effective.

The Chal­lenge

• In what sit­u­a­tions could you ben­e­fit from tak­ing a moment to read the room more or better?
• Who around you, in work or life, do you think can ben­e­fit from learn­ing to read — or trust what they read — more often?

Addi­tion­al Podcasts

• Jim Collins’ Lev­el 5 Leaders
• Sev­en Valu­able Ways to Help Devel­op Mid­dle Managers

Addi­tion­al Blogs

• How Sim­ple is Your Strategy
• Bot­tom Line Thinking
• Prac­tice Like a Pro to Build Strong Team Skills

Lawrence & Co’s work focus­es on sus­tain­able and enhanced growth for you and your busi­ness. Our diverse and expe­ri­enced group of advi­sors can help your lead­ers and exec­u­tive teams stay com­pet­i­tive through the use of var­i­ous learn­ing tools includ­ing work­shops, webi­na­rs, exec­u­tive retreats, or one-to-one coaching.

We help high-achiev­ing lead­ers to have it all – a great busi­ness and a reward­ing life. Con­tact us for sim­ple and impact­ful advice. No BS. No fluff.