Changing Your Mindset From Woe to Wow

“Every­thing neg­a­tive — pres­sure, chal­lenges — is all an oppor­tu­ni­ty for me to rise.” - Kobe Bryant, MVP award-win­ning, Olympic gold medal­list bas­ket­ball player

Being an entre­pre­neur or a leader of an entre­pre­neur­ial com­pa­ny is one of the great­est adven­tures you can have in your life­time. It is chal­leng­ing and reward­ing like almost noth­ing else I’m aware of.

And whether lead­ers are attract­ed to the adven­ture, or the stress that comes with it, many pay a very high men­tal price.

We’re often wired to believe we need to han­dle things on our own. But when they become too intense or scar­ring, we real­ly need pro­fes­sion­al help like that of a psy­chol­o­gist or coun­sel­lor (Yes, you too!). Think of it like the dif­fer­ence between a sprained toe and com­pound frac­ture of your leg – dif­fer­ent injuries needs dif­fer­ent sorts of help – and the same is true for stress­ful sit­u­a­tions. Some­times we need expert help to get us through.

At least once or twice a week, I’m involved in a con­ver­sa­tion with (or about) some­one who is tru­ly suf­fer­ing from the stress and pres­sure of the chal­lenges they’ve tak­en on. And one of the biggest things I work with CEOs and lead­ers on is their men­tal resilience and emo­tion­al resilience — how they can learn to han­dle big­ger and more stress­ful chal­lenges, with­out crum­bling under the pressure.

This is one of the most impor­tant skill sets for high­ly dri­ven lead­ers to learn — because they’ll nev­er stop tak­ing on the challenges.

“What­ev­er does­n’t kill you sim­ply makes you stronger.” - Niet­zsche, 1888

Besides tak­ing good care of your­self (with exer­cise, sleep, nutri­tion, doing fun things with friends and fam­i­ly), the most impor­tant strat­e­gy is how you look at these chal­lenges. Sim­ply chang­ing your mind­set can turn stress­ful chal­lenges into learn­ing oppor­tu­ni­ties that make you stronger.

In Your Oxy­gen Mask First I share a prin­ci­ple called ​‘Woe to Wow’, which I believe is the most impor­tant shift peo­ple need to make.

You can look at these expe­ri­ences through one of two lenses:

The ​‘Woe’ is me mind­set.

“OMG, this is horrible…someone or some­thing is mak­ing me miserable…it’s not right…it’s not fair!”

This is very much a vic­tim mind­set. You see your­self as a vic­tim of the sit­u­a­tion, and hope that some­one will save you, and take the prob­lem away.

It’s pas­sive. It’s a recipe for dis­as­ter. All you’ll do is sit there, feel crap­py, and do nothing.

The ​‘Wow’ mind­set.

“This is crazy! I’m being test­ed, and stretched. I have no idea how to solve it, but I know if do, I’ll be way smarter on oth­er side.”

This is a resilient mind­set. It’s action ori­ent­ed. And you may need some out­side help — like a coach, a part­ner, or a board mem­ber – to get there.

Chang­ing Your Mindset

So how do you make the shift? (Unfor­tu­nate­ly I don’t believe every­one can because some peo­ple are so com­mit­ted to being a vic­tim, they can’t get out of it – at least on their own.)

See the gift with­in the curse.

Look for what good will come from this — that, at the very least, it’s an amaz­ing char­ac­ter- or resilience-build­ing expe­ri­ence for you.

Take action.

Do what you can to move ahead instead of wait­ing for some­one else to solve the problem.

And that includes get­ting help.

Look back and learn.

Once you’ve worked your way through, make sure you fig­ure out the learn­ing from the expe­ri­ence, and how it made you bet­ter and stronger.

Wis­dom comes from get­ting your butt kicked – hun­dreds of times.

Remem­ber: You can’t avoid crazy, stress­ful sit­u­a­tions — they are going to hap­pen. It’s why a lot of peo­ple hit a stride in their 40s and 50s: they’ve learned so much along the way.

When my clients are chal­lenged, I often get gid­dy, and break into joy­ous laugh­ter — because I know they are going to make it through, and I get excit­ed about their learn­ing and growth.

So while not of our choos­ing, these sit­u­a­tions are won­der­ful gifts — to be loved for the teach­ers they are. You don’t learn any­thing deep­er, or build char­ac­ter, intel­li­gence, resilience or con­fi­dence when things go well.

These only come from chang­ing your mind­set and fight­ing your way out.

“The decid­ing fac­tor in life is how you han­dle set­backs and chal­lenges. Peo­ple with a growth mind­set wel­come set­backs with open arms.” - Travis Brad­ber­ry, author Emo­tion­al Intel­li­gence 2.0