An Insightful Take on Trauma & Stress

n the last of our series for Men­tal Health Month, we con­tin­ue to explore the work of Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on addic­tion, stress, and child­hood development.

Every leader I know expe­ri­ences stress. Dr. Maté’s insights — root­ed in both research and real-world expe­ri­ence — offer pow­er­ful food for thought that may lead to bet­ter strate­gies for thriving.

In Your Oxy­gen Mask First, the chap­ter ​“Deal With Your Emo­tion­al Junk” makes a sim­i­lar point: we all car­ry emo­tion­al bag­gage that can qui­et­ly shape our choic­es, rela­tion­ships, and effec­tive­ness. Some­times, we get in our own way with­out real­iz­ing it.

By under­stand­ing why we do the things we do — often root­ed in past expe­ri­ences or unre­solved trau­ma — we gain the clar­i­ty to lead with greater inten­tion. Look­ing inward isn’t indul­gent; it’s a key that can unlock stronger lead­er­ship and high­er performance.

It’s a com­mon­ly held belief that our behav­iors as an adult are notably shaped by our expe­ri­ences in childhood.

In this incred­i­ble inter­view with Mel Rob­bins, Dr. Maté talks about how stress­ful envi­ron­ments have a huge impact on a child’s devel­op­ment and phys­i­cal health, as well as ADHD, dyslex­ia and autoim­mune dis­or­ders. Our ear­ly expe­ri­ences can leave a deep imprint in our ner­vous sys­tem and impact our men­tal and phys­i­cal health, and how we respond to life sit­u­a­tions, as adults.

Big & Lit­tle ​“T” Traumas

Trau­ma, he says, is a wound. It’s not the event of what hap­pened to you. It’s what hap­pened inside you, as a result. And even the lit­tle things and per­cep­tions of an expe­ri­ence can have a last­ing impact.

Most house­holds are stress­ful, in some way, at some time, and par­ents do the best they can. So, this isn’t about blame or doing some­thing wrong, but a recog­ni­tion that we are human and affect­ed and shaped by our life experiences.

Some of these events may seem insignif­i­cant, on the sur­face – like someone’s mood or a crit­i­cism – but they can affect someone’s fun­da­men­tal unmet need for uncon­di­tion­al acceptance.

Because every child is dif­fer­ent, even with­in the same house­hold, big ​“T” trau­mas and lit­tle ​“T” trau­mas will be per­ceived and respond­ed to differently.

In the inter­view, Dr. Maté talks about his own expe­ri­ences, and the ways that even unre­al­ized trau­ma can affect some­one, years lat­er. He gives an exam­ple of how a child, after a trau­mat­ic sit­u­a­tion, was more impact­ed because they weren’t com­fort­able talk­ing to their par­ents about it, after the fact. As a result, they felt very alone and unable to get help, which ampli­fied the impact of the event, itself.

Key Inter­view Take­aways on the Impact of Trauma

• 80% of autoim­mune dis­eases hap­pen to women because, among oth­er things, they tend to put other’s emo­tion­al needs before their own. Pri­or­i­tiz­ing oth­ers first weak­ens the immune system.

That’s why putting on Your Oxy­gen Mask First – for all of us – is so important.

• When chil­dren sup­press their emo­tions to main­tain rela­tion­ships, they grow up dis­con­nect­ed from their true, authen­tic selves, lead­ing to long-term emo­tion­al and phys­i­cal health issues. 

Heal­ing is Possible

Under­stand­ing if and how our child­hood expe­ri­ences fac­tor into our lives today, helps us to under­stand our­selves bet­ter and to help us to respond, rather than react to stress.

Address­ing any child­hood wounds, reduc­ing stress, and embrac­ing self-aware­ness is an oppor­tu­ni­ty to man­age your men­tal health. And embrac­ing resilience rit­u­als – pri­or­i­tiz­ing the rest, play, exer­cise, cre­ativ­i­ty and sup­port­ive rela­tion­ships that nour­ish you – helps you to thrive, no mat­ter what life throws at you.

Resources

• Your Oxy­gen Mask First. Prac­ti­cal tools to man­age your men­tal health:
  • Chap­ter 3 Dou­ble Your Resilience
  • Chap­ter 6 Deal with Your Emo­tion­al Junk
  • Chap­ter 7 Man­age Your Men­tal Health
• In Cana­da & the US: 9−8−8 hot­line­for free, ²⁴⁄₇ men­tal health & sui­cide pre­ven­tion support.
• The Men­tal Health Con­tin­u­um to assess how you and oth­ers around you are doing.

Lis­ten to Dr. Mate’s inter­view here. https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/why-you-feel-lost-in-life-dr-gabor-mat%C3%A9-on-trauma-how-to-heal/id1646101002?i=1000700312550

Oth­er Blogs

• Stress Scale
• Grat­i­tude & Generosity

Old­er Podcasts

• Liv­ing & Work­ing in Your Sus­tain­able Sweet Spot
• Elim­i­nate Your Emo­tion­al­ly Tax­ing Issues: Lick Your Toads