Bravery, Commitment & Work

Last week, I intro­duced you to tech exec­u­tive and coach David Greer, a friend and client I worked with for many years, as he talked about how he came to ask for help for his alco­holism. In the sec­ond of this three-part series, we cov­er the ear­ly days of his recov­ery and a new, life­long commitment.

David Greer’s sto­ry is not uncom­mon in the world of high-per­form­ing entrepreneurs.

It’s easy to be caught on the tread­mill of con­stant­ly striv­ing for suc­cess, and to turn to cop­ing mech­a­nisms that may serve us, in the short term. Long term is anoth­er sto­ry. And fac­ing real­i­ty and step­ping onto a dif­fer­ent path is a brave story.

And a com­mit­ment. A friend who taught me a lot about the dis­ease of alco­holism told me there are two types of peo­ple who go into recov­ery through AA: those who attend a cou­ple of ses­sions and think they’re cured, and those, like David, who are com­mit­ted to do the work reg­u­lar­ly, over the long term.

AA isn’t the only path — but it’s the one David chose.

The First Step

“When you asked me to com­mit to go to a meet­ing,” David said to me. ​“I knew I was going down­town to a tech­nol­o­gy net­work­ing event which fin­ished at 8. I (saw) there was going to be a meet­ing at 8:30…located ¹⁄₄ of a block off the road I was dri­ving down to go home…so it was hard to make an excuse. I was real­ly scared, you know? How would I have din­ner with­out wine? It was lit­er­al­ly unimaginable.

“I sat on the edge of one of the rows so I could escape if I need­ed to…and sat on my hands (until) the last pos­si­ble sec­ond. Then I stood up and said, ​‘I’m David and I’m an alcoholic’.

David had found his home group to which, six­teen years lat­er, he still goes to every week, along with two oth­er AA meet­ings a week. The alco­holic part of his brain, he says, still wants to for­get that he’s in recov­ery and he wants to remind him­self of his truth. More here about find­ing his home group.

Lis­ten to David dis­cuss con­tin­u­ing to work the steps.

A Sacred Space

Being in the room, at an AA meet­ing, is pow­er­ful. There are very few expe­ri­ences I’ve had — in the busi­ness com­mu­ni­ty and in oth­er parts of my life — where peo­ple are lis­tened to, are vul­ner­a­ble and share so deeply and authentically.

It’s a sacred space. Space held for each oth­er that needs to be strong enough to fight what David calls the most pow­er­ful drug on the plan­et, and that hap­pens to be legal and social­ly accept­able. Lis­ten to David describe this sacred space below.

“It’s a gift to them and a gift to your­self at the same time,” he says. ​“And yes, if I have to go to three meet­ings a week for the rest of my life, it’s pret­ty good medicine.”

The Num­ber One Thing

A coach for oth­ers, today, David and I talk to our clients about what’s the num­ber one thing to achieve this quar­ter, this year. For David, it’s easy. It’s con­tin­u­ing to do the work to stay sober.

“I know, every day, what it is my north star. If I go back out (and drink again), I will have an ear­ly death. Drugs were not part of my sto­ry the first time but now I’ve been to enough meet­ings I’m pret­ty cer­tain my alco­holic brain would want to exper­i­ment there.

“I do hon­est­ly, deeply, in my heart of hearts, treat this as a life-and-death deci­sion every day.”

“Get­ting sober is the sin­gle biggest achieve­ment in my life”, he says. ​“Now, I only have to achieve it for today. I don’t have to wor­ry about tomor­row. I don’t have to wor­ry about yesterday.”

Ask­ing for Help

A high-per­form­ing life is stress­ful, and most exec­u­tives are addict­ed to some­thing. I’ve seen it in board­rooms and when we go out for din­ners. Whether it’s alco­hol or adren­a­line or work itself, we all have trig­gers that can become a problem.

To those peo­ple, David says two things:

• • “No mat­ter how dark it is, there is light. There is a solu­tion to your dark­ness even though you may eas­i­ly feel like there is none. There is some way out.
  • “The mind that got us into that, can’t get us out. Ask for help.

“For 20 years, I was a dai­ly drinker. It’s only when I reached out my hand for help, through 12-step recov­ery, that I was able to over­come and achieve my biggest achieve­ment in my life.” David’s advice for oth­ers who strug­gle is here.

A Life­long Commitment

I recent­ly went to an AA meet­ing with David, as he received his 16-year cake (the cel­e­bra­tion for 16 years of sobri­ety). And, after all this time, you’d think he was cured. But he helped me to under­stand how ten­u­ous recov­ery can be, even after all the coun­selling, heal­ing and support.

“If I ever pick up one drink, all bets are off. When peo­ple go back, (their drink­ing) usu­al­ly gets worse with­in one or two weeks. I still have drink­ing night­mares that are so real that for the first one or two sec­onds when I wake up, I’m 100% con­vinced that I took a drink. The alco­holic part of my brain tries to get me when I’m unconscious.

“It’s real. Alco­hol can own you.” David talks about doing the work below.

Some­times, he explains, you need to take med­ica­tion for an ail­ment that’s a bridge to get you to the oth­er side. Some­times, it’s required for life, to be part of the life you real­ly want.

That, and ser­vice to oth­ers, which we’ll talk about next week.

Below is the full inter­view and to David’s web­site https://​coachd​j​greer​.com/.

Resources

• From Your Oxy­gen Mask First:
  • Chap­ter 1 Live an Amaz­ing Life
  • Chap­ter 6 Deal with Your Emo­tion­al Junk
  • Chap­ter 7 Man­age Your Men­tal Health
• Alco­holics Anony­mous to help peo­ple achieve sobriety
• Al-Anon for peo­ple who are wor­ried about some­one with a drink­ing problem.
• Adult Chil­dren of Alco­holics for peo­ple who had alco­holic par­ents or fam­i­ly dysfunction.

Oth­er Blogs

• What’s Your #1 This Year?
• Keep Going For It
• Charg­ing Your Batteries
• An Inter­view with Some­one Who Had a Close Call
• A CEO Burnout Story

Old­er Podcasts

• Nec­es­sary Endings