Get Your Ego Out the Way to Get Aligned on the Most Important Things
After more than three decades into my official career in business, it’s clear to me that one of greatest levers of growth is the evolution of the ego.
When I talk about ‘ego’, I’m talking about the original definition of the word which is “I”, the “self” which feels, acts, or thinks – not its more modern-day interpretation of arrogance.
I know that when my ‘self’ feels threatened, I dig in about being right or being in control or having the answer. I’m not at my best and am no longer able to have an open mind or to hear, understand and learn from others. I get attached to my ideas and perspectives, and then even if I do have the right answer, I take the wrong approach. Everything becomes harder than it needs to be.
This dark side – a misplaced form of protection – stands in the way of getting aligned with others. Sound familiar?
Intelligence and Resilience
One of my great joy’s is watching leaders learn and grow. Those who are the most effective consistently get out of their own way. It takes a lot for them for their ego to be fully activated to the point where they are no longer functionally effective.
As I talk about in Chapter 6 of Your Oxygen Mask First – Deal with Your Emotional Junk, the true capacity of a leader is to learn how to respond with intelligence, not emotion. Therapy can be a great tool to dissolve any emotional issues getting in your way. So is having a pre-planned workaround when situations happen.
One CEO told me that his revelation after a lot of self-reflection and therapy, was that this skill is at the heart of the personal work most people need
Only then, he said, can you be available to learn and grow and to engage openly to understand and solve problems. To stay strategic, effective and aligned.
He relies on his morning resilience rituals (from chapter 3, Your Oxygen Mask First). When he takes care of himself – including daily exercise, journaling and mediation – he’s more consistently his best self, more grounded and more likely to keep his ego in check.
He also noticed that when he gets busy and his routine slips, he’s less effective and his ego gets more in the way.
Getting Out of the Way = Alignment
This brother and sister team, who have taken over their family business know that well. In this conversation, they talk about how their ability to get out of their own way made a massive difference to get of the same page.
Recognizing that ego was getting in the way of being aligned, they became more open minded and listened to each other. Instead of just sharing opinions and advice, they lead with curious questions to understand each other better and to get to the essence of what the other is saying.
A Path Forward
The happiest, most successful people I know, who have the drive to do great work and make a positive impact, continue to do a lot of work on this area.
They know that their dark side doesn’t bring out their best, most effective selves.
And, every once in a while, it rises up to remind them that they’re human.
The Challenge
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- In situations do you find your ego gets in the way or makes things harder than they need to be?
- What might you do, then, to quiet your dark side and be more at your best?
- Consider doing the exercise in Chapter 6 of Your Oxygen Mask First.
Other Blogs
- Double Your Personal Resilience
- Are You Getting Seven Kinds of Rest?
- What Makes You Happy?
- Managing Emotions and Dealing with Your Emotional Junk
Older Podcasts
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