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Are You a Boss or a Parent?

December 6, 2019

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a life­time.” — Chi­nese proverb

One night, I was out with my kids, walk­ing a dog we were look­ing after. We stopped to chat to a guy with anoth­er dog – just pleas­ant, idle chit chat, as the dogs hap­pi­ly greet­ed each oth­er. As we part­ed I said, Have a great night.”

Don’t tell me what to do,” he snarled, as he turned away.

It was an inter­est­ing moment: while I want­ed to wish him well, he inter­pret­ed it as con­trol­ling or diminishing.

As humans, many of us have that voice in our head: we don’t want to be par­ent­ed or told what to do – to feel our capa­bil­i­ty and intel­li­gence disrespected.

The exchange brought me back to one of the lead­ing tenets of lead­er­ship: being there to help peo­ple find their own answers and to see things for themselves.

In Chap­ter 12 of Your Oxy­gen Mask First — Stop Being Chief Prob­lem Solver — I talk about how even the most effec­tive lead­ers do them­selves and their teams a dis­ser­vice by answer­ing ques­tions, and solv­ing prob­lems, even though it’s faster.

Instead, they should say things like:

  • Have you considered…”
  • When I was in a sit­u­a­tion like that, this is what hap­pened…” or
  • What do you think?”

And they’ll cre­ate the right dis­cus­sions so that the team can define where they want to go and key strate­gies to get there. Then step back to let them do the rest of the think­ing for themselves.

This approach expands your team’s capa­bil­i­ties. It also forces them to be stronger lead­ers and frees your time and ener­gy to do the things that matter.

The Chal­lenge

  • When are you parental in your approach by telling peo­ple what to do?
  • Go back and read Chap­ter 12 in the book.

About Lawrence & Co.
Lawrence & Co. is a growth strategy and leadership advisory firm that helps mid-market companies achieve lasting, reliable growth. Our Growth Management System turns 30 years of experience into practical steps that drive clarity, alignment, and performance—so leaders can grow faster, with less friction, and greater confidence.

About Kevin Lawrence
Kevin Lawrence has spent three decades helping companies scale from tens of millions to hundreds of millions in revenue. He works side-by-side with CEOs and leadership teams across North America, the Middle East, Asia, Australia, and Europe, bringing real-world insights from hands-on experience. Kevin is the author of Your Oxygen Mask First, a book of 17 habits to help high-performing leaders grow sustainably while protecting their mental health and resilience. He also contributed to Scaling Up (Rockefeller Habits 2.0). Based in Vancouver, he leads Lawrence & Co, a boutique firm of growth advisors.