An Insightful Take on Trauma & Stress
In the last of our series for Mental Health Month, we continue to explore the work of Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on addiction, stress, and childhood development.
Every leader I know experiences stress. Dr. Maté’s insights—rooted in both research and real-world experience—offer powerful food for thought that may lead to better strategies for thriving.
In Your Oxygen Mask First, the chapter “Deal With Your Emotional Junk” makes a similar point: we all carry emotional baggage that can quietly shape our choices, relationships, and effectiveness. Sometimes, we get in our own way without realizing it.
By understanding why we do the things we do—often rooted in past experiences or unresolved trauma—we gain the clarity to lead with greater intention. Looking inward isn’t indulgent; it’s a key that can unlock stronger leadership and higher performance.
It’s a commonly held belief that our behaviors as an adult are notably shaped by our experiences in childhood.
In this incredible interview with Mel Robbins, Dr. Maté talks about how stressful environments have a huge impact on a child’s development and physical health, as well as ADHD, dyslexia and autoimmune disorders. Our early experiences can leave a deep imprint in our nervous system and impact our mental and physical health, and how we respond to life situations, as adults.
Big & Little “T” Traumas
Trauma, he says, is a wound. It’s not the event of what happened to you. It’s what happened inside you, as a result. And even the little things and perceptions of an experience can have a lasting impact.
Most households are stressful, in some way, at some time, and parents do the best they can. So, this isn’t about blame or doing something wrong, but a recognition that we are human and affected and shaped by our life experiences.
Some of these events may seem insignificant, on the surface – like someone’s mood or a criticism – but they can affect someone’s fundamental unmet need for unconditional acceptance.
Because every child is different, even within the same household, big “T” traumas and little “T” traumas will be perceived and responded to differently.
In the interview, Dr. Maté talks about his own experiences, and the ways that even unrealized trauma can affect someone, years later. He gives an example of how a child, after a traumatic situation, was more impacted because they weren’t comfortable talking to their parents about it, after the fact. As a result, they felt very alone and unable to get help, which amplified the impact of the event, itself.
Key Interview Takeaways on the Impact of Trauma
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- 80% of autoimmune diseases happen to women because, among other things, they tend to put other’s emotional needs before their own. Prioritizing others first weakens the immune system.
That’s why putting on Your Oxygen Mask First – for all of us – is so important.
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- When children suppress their emotions to maintain relationships, they grow up disconnected from their true, authentic selves, leading to long-term emotional and physical health issues.
Healing is Possible
Understanding if and how our childhood experiences factor into our lives today, helps us to understand ourselves better and to help us to respond, rather than react to stress.
Addressing any childhood wounds, reducing stress, and embracing self-awareness is an opportunity to manage your mental health. And embracing resilience rituals – prioritizing the rest, play, exercise, creativity and supportive relationships that nourish you – helps you to thrive, no matter what life throws at you.
Resources
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- Your Oxygen Mask First. Practical tools to manage your mental health:
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- In Canada & the US: 9-8-8 hotlinefor free, 24/7 mental health & suicide prevention support.
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- The Mental Health Continuum to assess how you and others around you are doing.
Listen to Dr. Mate’s interview here. https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/why-you-feel-lost-in-life-dr-gabor-mat%C3%A9-on-trauma-how-to-heal/id1646101002?i=1000700312550
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- Living & Working in Your Sustainable Sweet Spot
- Eliminate Your Emotionally Taxing Issues: Lick Your Toads
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